unknownballad | ❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

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❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

{ i wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? }

That's it, that's the post. It's here for all your cozy, hygge, wintry RP dreams. Here are some ideas:

snow: first snow of the season/ever, making snowpeople, forts, or snow angels, snowball fights, snowed in
warm: hot drinks, warm blankets, crackling fires, busting out the winter coats and socks, baking in a cozy kitchen
holidays: decorating, picking out a tree, preparing the big holiday meal, exchanging gifts
activities: shopping, cooking, sledding, ice skating, cuddling with someone special
new year: par-tay!, toast, countdown, midnight kiss

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Insu's position as both the face and leader of the rebellion make it necessary for him to be off-world a majority of the time. Thankfully, there are people among the leadership who've managed to keep their involvement secret. For the obvious reasons, Isnu's family were moved off-world early on in their endeavors to change the world. Even without being directly involved with the rebellion, they would be targets and no one wanted that for them. Because of that, Esen knows that Insu hasn't seen his parents in a few years.

Christmas certainly isn't a thing where they come from (celebrating joy and love? let alone any religious holidays?? no way!). But most of them have traveled enough to learn about these various winter holidays that seem to be about togetherness and good will toward one's fellows. Esen's the least well-traveled of all of them. His duties keep him mostly tied to Geden. Someone has to get supplies to their various contingents off-world and on.

But this is an errand Esen has to see to personally. It's with some urgency that he gets a message to Isnu (which, honestly, sometimes takes weeks to happen since even he isn't privy to Insu's whereabouts). "Meet me at," and a set of coordinates on some distant world, a date, and time (plus a warning about very cold and icy weather). It's snowing heavily when they arrive, Esen bundled up against the wind. His hood is pulled up and hands tucked deep in his pockets, but his scarf is down so Insu can see it really is his friend waiting there in the snow.

"Hey, I wasn't sure you'd make it," he quips when he sees his friend approach.

Before it became reality, back when the rebellion was little more than the anti-government shouting of a teenage Insu, he intended to lead from the front. Granted, at the time he thought it would just be him so it was an easy enough claim to make, but it didn't change as the anti-government shouting of a young adult started to gain a following. He stuck to the promise he made to himself. He wouldn't hide behind anyone else. He would stand tall and shout the loudest, no matter what.

As it turns out, shouting the loudest, making yourself well known among the powerful people you oppose, means giving up everything and everyone close to you. No known attachments to be used against him. He doesn't deserve that and neither do they.

Insu's parents were the first to be taken from him. Uprooted from everything they knew to be carted off to some far distant world because of their son's actions. Likely never able to return to their home because of their son's actions. It's all for the best. He just has to keep telling himself that it's all for the best. It'll be worth it in the end. It's just hard sometimes when he considers the fact that he made this choice for them. He made this choice for everyone around him. They're in this position because of something he decided on his own to do. It's for the betterment of their whole world, but he still can't help but feel guilty.

And, of course, he misses them so much. It's been years, now, and the want to see them grows worse almost every day. He tries not to talk about it, because it's a selfish want. All that should matter is that his family is safe. They're safe from the people trying to tear him down and they're safe from him.

Esen knows how much he misses them, though, and how much he wants to see them. Much like a lot of things about him, Esen is the only one who knows. And with that knowledge in mind, he's seen fit to offer his own family. They gave him a place at their table and they treat him like one of their own. It's not his own family, but they are warm and wonderful and they help to fill the void, even if only temporarily.

When Esen's message finally reaches Insu (oh good. The date hasn't yet passed!), his initial reaction is concern. Followed closely by worry. While this is hardly Esen's first trip off-world, he doesn't travel overly often so Insu can't help but think that something has forced him away every time he gets a message that his friend has left Geden. Even rarer is Esen specifically requesting his presence somewhere. They often lament together about Insu being away from home and talk about the next time he'll be back, but Esen doesn't really ask him to come home. Nor does he really ask him to go anywhere else. It could be dangerous for both of them.

With the warning in mind, Insu arrives bundled up in warm clothing. A jacket over top of the sweater he normally travels in with his hood pulled up, a pair of warm gloves, and his usual face mask has been replaced by a nice, thick scarf. There's little of his face left visible aside from his eyes. Wintry weather is a wonderful help when it comes to keeping one's identity a secret.

"I only just got your message days ago," he says once he's close enough to his friend, his voice muffled by the scarf. "Are you okay? What's going on?" A bit of the concern coming out.

"I wasn't sure it went through," he admits. He steps closer, holding out a gloved hand which, when Insu takes it, he'd use to pull his friend in for a hug. It feels like it's been a while since they've seen each other. It's always good to see him but being able to hug him drives home that Insu's still alive and... as well as can be given his situation.

It's actually a good thing Esen is good at keeping secrets. If he were less adept at masking, Insu would be able to see him vibrating at frequencies that would shatter glass in his excitement. "There's someone I want you to meet," he answers as he pulls away. "I wouldn't drag you away if it weren't important."

"We were pretty remote and-" He shakes his head. It doesn't matter. It's not as though he can get any more specific than that. The list of people who are allowed to know more detailed information about wherever Insu is at any given time is very small, and most of those people travel with him. And the select few who don't? They do not include Esen. It's never been deemed necessary for him to know Insu's whereabouts. And as fast and loose as Insu plays it with his own safety at times, this is one line he won't cross. It has the potential to put Esen at risk and he won't do that.

When Esen pulls him in for a hug, Insu practically melts. Though he knows it's not the case, Esen could've asked him here just for this hug and Insu would have considered it time well spent. He throws his arms around friend and buries his face against his neck. Yeah, this alone is worth the trip. The touch of another person, the warmth of his friend in his arms. He barely even notices the frigid temperatures until they begin to part.

"Someone you want me to meet? Who is it?"

If it were less risky, if it didn't endanger just the pair of them, Esen absolutely would've called Isnu to meet him just for a hug. Seeing his friend face-to-face, in person always warms Esen. He tells himself it's because so few see Insu as a regular person, as a young man who needs and wants to be social and have friends. Esen wouldn't even judge him if, deep down inside, in dark times, Insu wished he never started all this and could just be a normal boy.

Once they broke apart, Esen slings an arm around Insu's shoulders and leads him through the snow. It's hard to see in these conditions, but there's a little house nearby. That's where Esen takes his friend. The closer they get, the easier it is to realize someone's cooking inside. The warm scents of meats and pies, of spiced drinks and roasted potatoes fill the air, seeming to even banish some of the cold they breathe in.

And once Esen throws the door open, all the bustling inside stops. All the faces that turn toward the door are familiar: Esen's mother, his two sisters, and... Insu's own parents!

There are a lot of thoughts and feelings that Insu shares with Esen and no one else. The sorts of thoughts that may cause a loss of moral or could cause people to worry that he's not quite as committed to the cause as they think he is (he's given up his own life and freedom to so that maybe someday, others won't have to do the same. He's committed now regardless of any stray thoughts that may say otherwise). But there are some that he won't even share with Esen. Like the fact that sometimes he does wish he'd never started this. Sometimes when it's late at night on some wholly unfamiliar world and everyone else is asleep, Insu wishes that none of this had ever happened. He wishes he would've just remained quietly unhappy with his life like everyone else. He wishes he never would've opened his mouth. He wishes he'd just lived a perfectly normal, uneventful life. Those particular thoughts, though, those wishes are just for him.

Insu tucks himself in close to Esen as they make their way toward... Is that a house? He pushes the scarf up a little higher on his face and pulls his hood down further. From the cold mostly, but also from habit. Further hiding his face as he walks toward an unknown house, despite his trust of his friend. Despite how often he risks his own safety.

But then the warm smells of delicious and familiar foods weasel their way through his scarf and hit his nose and any tension that he felt just melts away. Food smells that remind him of a safe space. Food smells that remind him of-

Even with the scarf covering most of his face, it's clear that Insu is smiling when he sees Esen's mother and his two sisters. He takes a few steps inside, his hand moving toward the scarf to pull it off of his face so he can properly greet his three favourite women, but he never quite gets that far. He walks no further inside and his hand stops about halfway to the scarf. His eyes settle on the two other people in the small house and he simply stares. His parents. Those are his parents standing over there with Esen's family. His parents. People he never expected to see again. They're standing right over there, just across the room.

Insu falls to his knees and finally tears his eyes away from his parents to look up at Esen. "...Esen?" He pulls the scarf from his face and pushes his hood back as his eyes fill up with tears. "Esen, is it-? Why are they here?"

He expects an emotional reaction, but even Esen's surprised. He knew it's been a long time since Insu's seen his own family and there's only so much a surrogate family can do to ease that. Esen's eyes go wide and he crouches next to his friend as he drops, a hand on his back for support.

"Surprise," he offers with a smile. "There's a holiday on some planet or other this time of year that's all about togetherness with loved ones so... I wanted to do this for you."

Insu loves his surrogate family. He adores them. They've become such a big part of his life. They welcomed him into their lives and made him feel like a part of their family, despite knowing what associating with him could mean for them. Along with Esen, they gave him something of a personal life again. They gave him something outside of his self-proclaimed purpose in life, something outside of the cause. Without Esen and his family, Insu would never tear himself away. He'd give his life for the cause in every way.

But they are not his family. They are people who are kind and loving to him but they are not his family. His family are the people standing with them, watching their son fall to the floor in an emotional heap.

Insu throws his arms around his friend the moment he crouches and buries his face against the side of Esen neck, nodding a little as he does so. He's familiar with the holiday. Though it warmed his heart on other planets to see families preparing for and being together for those holidays, it felt like a holiday not meant for him (as though any of what he does is meant for him. He already knows he won't see the results of any of it in his lifetime, however long or short that'll end up being). He had no family, and no world that celebrated it. However, he still aims to bring such family oriented holidays home. Holidays where the only purpose is being together with those you cherish.

"They shouldn't be here, Esen," he mumbles against Esen's neck. "What if- There's so many people after me." Insu jumps and quickly turns when he feels the lightest of touches on his shoulder. His mother is standing over him, her face a mix of emotions, with both concern and relief being the most prominent.

"Insu, sweetheart?"

Insu just stares up at her as though he can't believe she's real, gripping his friend tightly the whole time.

Later Esen can tell Insu all about the precautions he took — not they, not the rebellion, just Esen all on his own. Unlike his friend, he's not wanted. As far as he (or anyone else in the rebellion) knows, Esen isn't even a person of interest to them. He comes from a good family and works a good job suitable to someone of his station. Little does anyone know what he's really doing at that very fine job.

Despite the safety of being out of the spotlight, Esen's careful. He's careful about traveling off world. He's careful about meeting Insu or other rebellion leadership. This is so much bigger than any of them. And yet... Insu deserves better. For all he's doing, for all he's sacrificing. Esen only hopes Insu will think it was worth the risk. It's not unlikely that he won't ever have another chance to see his parents. Esen had to give him that.

He pries himself away when Insu's mom steals his attention away and slips off to the kitchen to wash his hands and get to helping.

He trusts Esen. He trusts that he's careful and that he took every last precaution necessary to make sure that this was going to be safe for everyone involved. He trusts that Esen wouldn't have done this if there was a chance that Insu's parents would end up involved in a situation that he's been specifically trying to keep them out of. He trusts that Esen wouldn't put Insu in a position to be easily caught (Insu already does that enough himself, though Esen doesn't know that. If he's played his cards right, then no one knows except for the two people involved. No one can ever know what kind of danger he's putting himself and the rebellion in). If there was even the smallest chance that things might go south, Esen would've called the whole thing off before it ever got to this point. And he definitely wouldn't have allowed his family to come.

Of course there's always the chance that things could go wrong, but Insu can trust that Esen has made this place and this meeting as safe as he possibly can for everyone here. And yet Insu still can't stop imagining all of the ways it can go wrong, which feels like such a disservice to Esen and all he's pulled off here. How can Insu possibly enjoy this gift from his friend if he's just thinking of all the way it can all fall apart?

Difficult as it is, he needs to put it all out of his mind. He can't waste this opportunity when it'll likely be his last.

Though his eyes remain locked onto his mother, Insu blindly grabs for his departing friend. How could Esen just abandon him to his feelings like this? His mother kneels down in front of him and reaches out to touch the front of his hair. That small gesture, alone, is almost enough to make him fall apart all over again.

"You've changed your hair colour. It was so different the last time I saw you that I almost didn't recognize you."

Insu is so focused on his mother that he doesn't even notice the approach of his father coming to stand behind his wife.

"Almost. But we'd recognize you anywhere." His father adds.

C'mon sweetheart. Let's go and sit down so we can catch up, hm?"

Insu slowly nods his head and manages to climb back to his feet with a bit of help from his father. What do they even talk about, though? His entire life is the rebellion, which is something he can't and won't discuss with them. There are details that no one but the highest ranking members of leadership can know and everything else, they simply don't need to know. They probably hear whisperings about it wherever they live now. They don't need those whisperings confirmed or denied. They don't need to know how he lives.

Maybe he could tell them about the worlds he's seen? And just leave out the part about seeing them because he was chased there. They know that he's a target, that there are people after him (one of the harms they were being kept out of by being whisked away to another world) but that doesn't mean they need to hear it again directly from him. Not when this is a happy occasion that he wants to remain happy. He doesn't want to scare them or worry them.

Even a normally safe, simple question like 'how are you doing?' feels like something he can't answer without bringing the whole mood down. They'd want to know anyway because they're his parents, but he doesn't want them to know.

Insu and his parents walk over to a cozy looking sofa where they take a seat together. However, the moment the three of them seem to get settled - mom on one side, dad on the other and Insu tucked between them - Insu jumps back to his feet and darts over to where Esen is with his own family. He leans in close so he can whisper in Esen's ear. "I have no idea what to say to them." Insu is rarely at a loss for words but this time, he has nothing.

Esen's situation is very different from Insu's. He still lives on Geden. He has a good job befitting someone of his social status. He has the right connections and social circle. His mother approves of the work he does in secret. Does he discuss the rebellion with her or his sisters? Absolutely not. It's safer for everyone that way. Esen's not on the run from the government and whatever dogs they send after Insu.

Esen still has a somewhat normal life, on the surface. He has a job he can talk about with his family and acquaintances. His experience is precarious, but in no way as openly dangerous as Insu's.

He shouldn't be as surprised as he is when Insu sneaks up behind him. His pulse shouldn't flutter like it does when his friend's breath ghosts against his ear in desperation. Looking back at Insu, he offers a warm, friendly smile. "Want me to come help?" He definitely can sit with them and help guide the conversation until Insu feels more comfortable on his own.

Esen was right hold some of himself back from the rebellion. Yes, Esen not being publicly associated with the rebellion is helpful to the rebellion, but he also gets to maintain some semblance of a normal life. He has the illusion of normalcy in his life. He can see his family and he can remain home (for all of its faults, for all of the problems Insu aims to fix, Geden is still home. Though he likely never will in his lifetime, he longs to come back and just live there again. A familiar place). In exchange for that, though, he has to live a double life. There's always the chance that one misstep could mean one life bleeding into the other, or just ruining the other entirely.

Insu, meanwhile, has thrown everything into this rebellion. He's given it everything he has and will continue to give until he has nothing left. He's given it his family and friends (though he has also gained a new family and new friends), his home, his freedom. He's given it his whole life. He encourages others to not follow the example he's set. Keep some of their lives for themselves, whether for purely personal reasons, or for the good of the rebellion.

Clutching at his good friend's arm, Insu glances over his shoulder at his parents. They're watching him and looking a little worried. Of course they are. He's being weird. But he also feels weird. He can't find a way to speak to his own family. He spent most of his life living with these people but they feel like strangers. But Esen is familiar and a safe space, and a buffer between Insu and these people he doesn't know anymore. He turns his attention back to Esen and rests his chin on the other's shoulder. "Yes, please." He huffs out a sigh. "This is stupid, right? I shouldn't need help talking to my parents... right?"

Of course, there are pros and cons to what they're both doing. Insu's path is more openly dangerous. He's the face of the rebellion. He's not the only member of their resistance that's given up everything for it. Many have abandoned the lives set out for them, their blood kin for this. Esen just happened to have the (mis)fortune of a very influential father who was able to move his family into a higher social sphere. MAybe that's why his mother approves whole-heartedly of his involvement with the rebellion: she saw how hard it was to make that move, saw the disgrace her late husband faced for marrying below his station, saw how much harder her children had to work to be accepted.

The life Esen has on Geden is a lie. Outside of his mother's kitchen, everything is a lie. His so-called friends and peers, all so small-minded, so content with the world because it isn't as hard for them to live as others. He steals from the very plutocrats who invite him to dine at their tables. They think buttering up to him will somehow make them richer, more comfortable. It's a dance.

It's a sword dance. One slip, on single misstep and it's Esen left bleeding.

It's a dance he does enthusiastically for the sake of the better future he and Insu and a handful of others dream of. Even if it's a future they will never benefit from. That's no reason to stop. Geden is how it is because of people selfishly settling because things are good or okay for them. They ignore the suffering and struggle of others because their lives are alright.

"It's a game," he admits quietly. "Talking to people so wholly unrelated to what we're doing, it's like a masquerade." All said flatly, without craning his head to try to look at his friend. Esen hates that so much of his life is a carefully crafted lie. Shifting to turn and face Insu, he finally gives him a warm, genuine smile. "You can tell them about the places you been and the things you've seen on your travels. Treat it like you've been traveling for holiday or education. Leave out the whys of it and stick to the wheres."

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❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

@incitement

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