unknownballad | ❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

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❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

{ i wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? }

That's it, that's the post. It's here for all your cozy, hygge, wintry RP dreams. Here are some ideas:

snow: first snow of the season/ever, making snowpeople, forts, or snow angels, snowball fights, snowed in
warm: hot drinks, warm blankets, crackling fires, busting out the winter coats and socks, baking in a cozy kitchen
holidays: decorating, picking out a tree, preparing the big holiday meal, exchanging gifts
activities: shopping, cooking, sledding, ice skating, cuddling with someone special
new year: par-tay!, toast, countdown, midnight kiss

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He expects an emotional reaction, but even Esen's surprised. He knew it's been a long time since Insu's seen his own family and there's only so much a surrogate family can do to ease that. Esen's eyes go wide and he crouches next to his friend as he drops, a hand on his back for support.

"Surprise," he offers with a smile. "There's a holiday on some planet or other this time of year that's all about togetherness with loved ones so... I wanted to do this for you."

Insu loves his surrogate family. He adores them. They've become such a big part of his life. They welcomed him into their lives and made him feel like a part of their family, despite knowing what associating with him could mean for them. Along with Esen, they gave him something of a personal life again. They gave him something outside of his self-proclaimed purpose in life, something outside of the cause. Without Esen and his family, Insu would never tear himself away. He'd give his life for the cause in every way.

But they are not his family. They are people who are kind and loving to him but they are not his family. His family are the people standing with them, watching their son fall to the floor in an emotional heap.

Insu throws his arms around his friend the moment he crouches and buries his face against the side of Esen neck, nodding a little as he does so. He's familiar with the holiday. Though it warmed his heart on other planets to see families preparing for and being together for those holidays, it felt like a holiday not meant for him (as though any of what he does is meant for him. He already knows he won't see the results of any of it in his lifetime, however long or short that'll end up being). He had no family, and no world that celebrated it. However, he still aims to bring such family oriented holidays home. Holidays where the only purpose is being together with those you cherish.

"They shouldn't be here, Esen," he mumbles against Esen's neck. "What if- There's so many people after me." Insu jumps and quickly turns when he feels the lightest of touches on his shoulder. His mother is standing over him, her face a mix of emotions, with both concern and relief being the most prominent.

"Insu, sweetheart?"

Insu just stares up at her as though he can't believe she's real, gripping his friend tightly the whole time.

Later Esen can tell Insu all about the precautions he took — not they, not the rebellion, just Esen all on his own. Unlike his friend, he's not wanted. As far as he (or anyone else in the rebellion) knows, Esen isn't even a person of interest to them. He comes from a good family and works a good job suitable to someone of his station. Little does anyone know what he's really doing at that very fine job.

Despite the safety of being out of the spotlight, Esen's careful. He's careful about traveling off world. He's careful about meeting Insu or other rebellion leadership. This is so much bigger than any of them. And yet... Insu deserves better. For all he's doing, for all he's sacrificing. Esen only hopes Insu will think it was worth the risk. It's not unlikely that he won't ever have another chance to see his parents. Esen had to give him that.

He pries himself away when Insu's mom steals his attention away and slips off to the kitchen to wash his hands and get to helping.

He trusts Esen. He trusts that he's careful and that he took every last precaution necessary to make sure that this was going to be safe for everyone involved. He trusts that Esen wouldn't have done this if there was a chance that Insu's parents would end up involved in a situation that he's been specifically trying to keep them out of. He trusts that Esen wouldn't put Insu in a position to be easily caught (Insu already does that enough himself, though Esen doesn't know that. If he's played his cards right, then no one knows except for the two people involved. No one can ever know what kind of danger he's putting himself and the rebellion in). If there was even the smallest chance that things might go south, Esen would've called the whole thing off before it ever got to this point. And he definitely wouldn't have allowed his family to come.

Of course there's always the chance that things could go wrong, but Insu can trust that Esen has made this place and this meeting as safe as he possibly can for everyone here. And yet Insu still can't stop imagining all of the ways it can go wrong, which feels like such a disservice to Esen and all he's pulled off here. How can Insu possibly enjoy this gift from his friend if he's just thinking of all the way it can all fall apart?

Difficult as it is, he needs to put it all out of his mind. He can't waste this opportunity when it'll likely be his last.

Though his eyes remain locked onto his mother, Insu blindly grabs for his departing friend. How could Esen just abandon him to his feelings like this? His mother kneels down in front of him and reaches out to touch the front of his hair. That small gesture, alone, is almost enough to make him fall apart all over again.

"You've changed your hair colour. It was so different the last time I saw you that I almost didn't recognize you."

Insu is so focused on his mother that he doesn't even notice the approach of his father coming to stand behind his wife.

"Almost. But we'd recognize you anywhere." His father adds.

C'mon sweetheart. Let's go and sit down so we can catch up, hm?"

Insu slowly nods his head and manages to climb back to his feet with a bit of help from his father. What do they even talk about, though? His entire life is the rebellion, which is something he can't and won't discuss with them. There are details that no one but the highest ranking members of leadership can know and everything else, they simply don't need to know. They probably hear whisperings about it wherever they live now. They don't need those whisperings confirmed or denied. They don't need to know how he lives.

Maybe he could tell them about the worlds he's seen? And just leave out the part about seeing them because he was chased there. They know that he's a target, that there are people after him (one of the harms they were being kept out of by being whisked away to another world) but that doesn't mean they need to hear it again directly from him. Not when this is a happy occasion that he wants to remain happy. He doesn't want to scare them or worry them.

Even a normally safe, simple question like 'how are you doing?' feels like something he can't answer without bringing the whole mood down. They'd want to know anyway because they're his parents, but he doesn't want them to know.

Insu and his parents walk over to a cozy looking sofa where they take a seat together. However, the moment the three of them seem to get settled - mom on one side, dad on the other and Insu tucked between them - Insu jumps back to his feet and darts over to where Esen is with his own family. He leans in close so he can whisper in Esen's ear. "I have no idea what to say to them." Insu is rarely at a loss for words but this time, he has nothing.

Esen's situation is very different from Insu's. He still lives on Geden. He has a good job befitting someone of his social status. He has the right connections and social circle. His mother approves of the work he does in secret. Does he discuss the rebellion with her or his sisters? Absolutely not. It's safer for everyone that way. Esen's not on the run from the government and whatever dogs they send after Insu.

Esen still has a somewhat normal life, on the surface. He has a job he can talk about with his family and acquaintances. His experience is precarious, but in no way as openly dangerous as Insu's.

He shouldn't be as surprised as he is when Insu sneaks up behind him. His pulse shouldn't flutter like it does when his friend's breath ghosts against his ear in desperation. Looking back at Insu, he offers a warm, friendly smile. "Want me to come help?" He definitely can sit with them and help guide the conversation until Insu feels more comfortable on his own.

Esen was right hold some of himself back from the rebellion. Yes, Esen not being publicly associated with the rebellion is helpful to the rebellion, but he also gets to maintain some semblance of a normal life. He has the illusion of normalcy in his life. He can see his family and he can remain home (for all of its faults, for all of the problems Insu aims to fix, Geden is still home. Though he likely never will in his lifetime, he longs to come back and just live there again. A familiar place). In exchange for that, though, he has to live a double life. There's always the chance that one misstep could mean one life bleeding into the other, or just ruining the other entirely.

Insu, meanwhile, has thrown everything into this rebellion. He's given it everything he has and will continue to give until he has nothing left. He's given it his family and friends (though he has also gained a new family and new friends), his home, his freedom. He's given it his whole life. He encourages others to not follow the example he's set. Keep some of their lives for themselves, whether for purely personal reasons, or for the good of the rebellion.

Clutching at his good friend's arm, Insu glances over his shoulder at his parents. They're watching him and looking a little worried. Of course they are. He's being weird. But he also feels weird. He can't find a way to speak to his own family. He spent most of his life living with these people but they feel like strangers. But Esen is familiar and a safe space, and a buffer between Insu and these people he doesn't know anymore. He turns his attention back to Esen and rests his chin on the other's shoulder. "Yes, please." He huffs out a sigh. "This is stupid, right? I shouldn't need help talking to my parents... right?"

Of course, there are pros and cons to what they're both doing. Insu's path is more openly dangerous. He's the face of the rebellion. He's not the only member of their resistance that's given up everything for it. Many have abandoned the lives set out for them, their blood kin for this. Esen just happened to have the (mis)fortune of a very influential father who was able to move his family into a higher social sphere. MAybe that's why his mother approves whole-heartedly of his involvement with the rebellion: she saw how hard it was to make that move, saw the disgrace her late husband faced for marrying below his station, saw how much harder her children had to work to be accepted.

The life Esen has on Geden is a lie. Outside of his mother's kitchen, everything is a lie. His so-called friends and peers, all so small-minded, so content with the world because it isn't as hard for them to live as others. He steals from the very plutocrats who invite him to dine at their tables. They think buttering up to him will somehow make them richer, more comfortable. It's a dance.

It's a sword dance. One slip, on single misstep and it's Esen left bleeding.

It's a dance he does enthusiastically for the sake of the better future he and Insu and a handful of others dream of. Even if it's a future they will never benefit from. That's no reason to stop. Geden is how it is because of people selfishly settling because things are good or okay for them. They ignore the suffering and struggle of others because their lives are alright.

"It's a game," he admits quietly. "Talking to people so wholly unrelated to what we're doing, it's like a masquerade." All said flatly, without craning his head to try to look at his friend. Esen hates that so much of his life is a carefully crafted lie. Shifting to turn and face Insu, he finally gives him a warm, genuine smile. "You can tell them about the places you been and the things you've seen on your travels. Treat it like you've been traveling for holiday or education. Leave out the whys of it and stick to the wheres."

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❝ Winter Wonderland ❞

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