(( Whatever Horus chooses to call Osiris won't change that fact that they're father and son. He knows that. Osiris knows it. Emmanuel knows it. There's really little purpose in trying to dance around that fact unless it's truly troubling to any of the three of them.
A considerate looks paints itself over Emmanuel's face and he takes a moment to contemplate what Horus is saying. Of course, he understands he's not trying to dismiss anyone's feelings. Horus is, as long as Emmanuel has known him, a man of action.
Obviously, Emmanuel can't speak about the culture and attitudes of Horus' people, but he can speak for a lot of modern humans. ))
For some people, emotional intimacy is as important as any other kind. Osiris was willing to take himself out of the equation if his involvement with me in any way diminished your happiness. Even knowing this is all it can ever be, his first concern was for you.
(( Whatever prompts him to ask his next question... he wishes he knew. It's ill-advised and yet... ))
If it could be more... would you feel differently about the arrangement?
[What Emmanuel says about Osiris makes sense, but somehow that's not how Horus took it and now he's not sure why. Was it defensiveness? There may be a part of Horus that fears the connection Emmanuel and Osiris share because his father is so much better at expressing his emotions and understanding those of others - and in fact, it may have been his own connection with Emmanuel that he was belittling in his mind when he wondered why it even mattered.
Having the truth laid out in such plain language opens up a pit of guilt in his belly. Just when he's about to apologize for expressing himself so badly again, Emmanuel brings his thoughts screeching to a halt with what he says next.]
So you mean if you were actually in a relationship with both of us? Separately?
[What an excellent question that is. It completely refocuses Horus's thoughts away from whether he's as good of a match for Emmanuel as his dad and back onto the logistics of the situation. And that being the case, the answer comes easily.]
Honestly... nothing else would really matter to me if I had you.
(( Pay no mind to the way he literally stumbles. A hand darts out to brace against the car to keep himself upright when his legs go weak beneath him. Please give him just a few seconds to gather his composure, thanks.
Okay, well, shocking as that was to hear... Emmanuel swallows and looks at Horus so earnestly. Does he really not understand he does have Emmanuel? He can't look at him for long before his lashes droop over his eyes and he looks down. ))
Next year... (( In a voice so small and so much quieter than usual. )) Next year I will be alive longer without my brother than I was with him. My twin, the other half of my heart and soul. I didn't think anyone else could live in my heart but him...
(( Very slowly, Emmanuel reaches over to lay his hand over Horus' heart. ))
That's the part Horus has been missing. He thought the "but" implicit in all this was "but we can't be together in any way, it'll all just have to be nebulous feelings." Osiris was so worried because he actually gets it - Emmanuel is offering them every part of himself that isn't restricted by his role with the church. He's giving everything he can.
Horus already has him.]
I'm really lucky you're so patient with me. [His voice is suddenly shaky. In fact, he's a bit shaky all over.]
(( And even this skirts what Emmanuel's allowed by his vows. Even this fondness, this affection (he dare not even think of it as more) is beyond what he's allowed. But surely if they all just play along and pretend... Surely if he simply keeps what's in his heart between them... As long as no name is put to it... ))
[This constant urge to touch Emmanuel, to hug or caress or kiss him, is going to become more and more unbearable the closer they get. If anything's likely to drive Horus crazy, that'll do him in long before Emmanuel's bond with his dad does.
Still worth it, but oh, he's feeling the ache deeper than ever.]
You mean all of us, right? [Horus's sheepish grin grows into a warm, soft smile. That sentiment is probably enough to tell Emmanuel what he needs to know.]
[Horus misses the warmth of Emmanuel's hand the moment it's gone, but no longer feeling it there does nothing to diminish the joy that's lit up his face.]
Well, talking specifically about me... I'm really, really happy. And if Dad's this happy too, there's no way I can see that as anything but good.
(( Oh. Happiness really suits Horus. The way it softens him leaves Emmanuel unable to look away for a moment. Maybe he should. This feels so much like staring into the sun. ))
[Happiness suits Horus? It only takes the tiniest grin or softest breath of laughter from Emmanuel to make Horus feel like the wind's been knocked out of him, so right now he's in the exact same trap of being unable to look away.
One of them has to look away. One of them has to look away soon. The rest of the world has melted away behind Emmanuel, there's no one but him, and one of them has to look away soon or the deafening thump of Horus's heartbeat is going to make him do something stupid again.]
(( It's like being under some pleasant spell. Like feeling the warmth of the sun after a long, grey winter. Emmanuel could enjoy this indefinitely. Thankfully, a car honking across parking lot reminds him exactly where they are. He finally blinks and looks away, clearing his throat. ))
[The sudden noise snaps Horus out of their shared trance as well and he laughs, shaking his head at himself.]
I keep forgetting what we're actually supposed to be doing. Let's go. [When they're back in the car, Horus asks:] You think we should hold onto the hotel room now that we're gonna get a warning when Set's feeling better? Or should we check out and stay on the move?
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no subject
A considerate looks paints itself over Emmanuel's face and he takes a moment to contemplate what Horus is saying. Of course, he understands he's not trying to dismiss anyone's feelings. Horus is, as long as Emmanuel has known him, a man of action.
Obviously, Emmanuel can't speak about the culture and attitudes of Horus' people, but he can speak for a lot of modern humans. ))
For some people, emotional intimacy is as important as any other kind. Osiris was willing to take himself out of the equation if his involvement with me in any way diminished your happiness. Even knowing this is all it can ever be, his first concern was for you.
(( Whatever prompts him to ask his next question... he wishes he knew. It's ill-advised and yet... ))
If it could be more... would you feel differently about the arrangement?
no subject
Having the truth laid out in such plain language opens up a pit of guilt in his belly. Just when he's about to apologize for expressing himself so badly again, Emmanuel brings his thoughts screeching to a halt with what he says next.]
So you mean if you were actually in a relationship with both of us? Separately?
[What an excellent question that is. It completely refocuses Horus's thoughts away from whether he's as good of a match for Emmanuel as his dad and back onto the logistics of the situation. And that being the case, the answer comes easily.]
Honestly... nothing else would really matter to me if I had you.
no subject
Okay, well, shocking as that was to hear... Emmanuel swallows and looks at Horus so earnestly. Does he really not understand he does have Emmanuel? He can't look at him for long before his lashes droop over his eyes and he looks down. ))
Next year... (( In a voice so small and so much quieter than usual. )) Next year I will be alive longer without my brother than I was with him. My twin, the other half of my heart and soul. I didn't think anyone else could live in my heart but him...
(( Very slowly, Emmanuel reaches over to lay his hand over Horus' heart. ))
But then I met you.
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Oh.
That's the part Horus has been missing. He thought the "but" implicit in all this was "but we can't be together in any way, it'll all just have to be nebulous feelings." Osiris was so worried because he actually gets it - Emmanuel is offering them every part of himself that isn't restricted by his role with the church. He's giving everything he can.
Horus already has him.]
I'm really lucky you're so patient with me. [His voice is suddenly shaky. In fact, he's a bit shaky all over.]
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We're both navigating unknown territory here.
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Still worth it, but oh, he's feeling the ache deeper than ever.]
You mean all of us, right? [Horus's sheepish grin grows into a warm, soft smile. That sentiment is probably enough to tell Emmanuel what he needs to know.]
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(( He lets his hand linger just a few seconds more, fingers curling just slightly against the fabric of his shirt before falling back to his side. ))
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Well, talking specifically about me... I'm really, really happy. And if Dad's this happy too, there's no way I can see that as anything but good.
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I'm relieved. And happy! Very happy!
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One of them has to look away. One of them has to look away soon. The rest of the world has melted away behind Emmanuel, there's no one but him, and one of them has to look away soon or the deafening thump of Horus's heartbeat is going to make him do something stupid again.]
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We should get going.
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I keep forgetting what we're actually supposed to be doing. Let's go. [When they're back in the car, Horus asks:] You think we should hold onto the hotel room now that we're gonna get a warning when Set's feeling better? Or should we check out and stay on the move?
no subject
(( It'll give them somewhere to fall back on if they need it. At least they'll have a place to shower when the need gets great. ))
I think it's safe to say Set's probably not tracking us through any records a hotel might keep.