unknownballad | [ archived ] Open RP Post

Someday, he'll see the side of Yohan that's currently being hidden from him and he'll be able to really appreciate the side that he has. This sweet and caring side, and the one that's oh so warm. The side that he thinks everyone gets but in reality it's so few. Someday he'll see firsthand just how wrong he is. And just how meaningful this all really is.

Hayun tries to hold Yohan's gaze but with those slight changes creeping into his expression, he can't. There's just something about it that Hayun can't handle. He doesn't know what to do with himself when Yohan looks at him like that.

"While we're here, I think I'd like to." It's a quiet admission, as though he's not sure it's okay for him to say that out loud. Which is such a strange feeling considering they've done (at least in Hayun's opinion) quite a bit of fooling around. Sex doesn't seem like that big of a leap, but it's still a huge step. It's a huge step for Hayun and feels like a huge step for their whole relationship moving forward. "You've probably already figured it out but, um, I've never had sex before. I'm a virgin. I hope that doesn't change anything."

Looks at him like what? Like he's someone sexually desirable? Like he's a tasty little snack Yohan wants to devour whole? Who could possibly withstand such looks!

Yohan could make light of Hayun's confession, feign shock at 'learning' his brand new boyfriend and soon-to-be-lover is a virgin. He could tell Hayun that the only thing hearing him say that changes is how his dick went from being soft to not-quite-as-soft. Ah, but he'd be lying if he said being the first didn't thrill him. But there's no making light of it. No teasing Hayun when he's made yet another important decision in his young life.

He wasn't wholly prepared for this exact turn of events to happen on this exact couch. Which meant, he left the lube in the bedroom. Perhaps it's better for their first time to be in a comfortable bed where Hayun can rest when they're done. They haven't done much so far. He's never even put his fingers or a toy in Hayun's asshole. But they've definitely fooled around enough for Hayun to get a feel for how big Yohan is.

But just in case he's forgotten, Yohan takes the hand of the arm draped across his stomach and slides it down, slides is under the opening of his robe, rubs it shamelessly against his quickly stiffening cock.

"We can do it right now if you want."

Clearly not Hayun. He can't withstand such looks. He's not yet accustomed to someone looking at him like that. If anyone's done it in the past, he hasn't really taken notice. He hasn't often noticed anyone taking interest in him unless they've outright said it. He's had other things to focus on.

But now, all he has is Yohan. Yohan is his entire focus now. It doesn't matter if he tries to look away, turn his attention to something else, it's all Yohan now. Yohan his boyfriend. Wow, he actually made that decision, didn't he? It both feels like a weight's been lifted from his shoulders and one is pressing down on him. A new one. A different one. It's only words but it makes everything feel so much different now. More substantial in a way that he can't explain. He's no longer just cuddling on the couch with this kind older man, he's alone in a cabin on a mountain with his boyfriend.

Wow.

His eyes follow his hand as Yohan guides it into his robe, watches as it disappears under the fuzzy fabric. He pulls in a deep, somewhat shaky breath when his palm presses against Yohan's hardening erection, when Yohan uses Hayun's hand to rub his cock. It's big. He already had an idea of Yohan's size before but... does it feel bigger? Is it his imagination playing tricks on him because of it's future destination? Oh. This all suddenly got very real.

Hayun nods slowly as he tears his eyes away from watching his hand move beneath the robe so he can look at Yohan's face. "Okay." No, that's not a good enough answer. It sounds like he's just going along with it because he thinks he should. Which is not entirely inaccurate, but it's also not the whole truth. "I want to." That's the rest of the truth. That's the overwhelming majority of the truth.

It's very real now. Their entire dynamic shifted, even if only slightly. It's a commitment now. Not just to more physical intimate relationship, but to each other. Now they'll take care of each other, each in their own way.

He knows Hayun's nervous. Who wouldn't be? He's been with enough boys for their first time to know it's common, natural even. He's also done this enough to know to ask a few questions before diving in dick first.

"I'm not asking this because I think you're ignorant or anything like that," he prefaces. "I need to know how much you understand about how two men have sex together." Is his knowledge the completely academic 'insert Tab A into Slot B'? Does he understand the preparation that needs to take place? That sort of stuff is important. They're already going into territory unknown to Hayun. Yohan wants to make it as easy as possible for the boy.

Yohan may see it as 'slightly' but Hayun sees it as a rather significant shift. From friends to boyfriends. Hayun was just some kid who followed Yohan around (at least that's how he felt much of the time) and now he's Yohan's partner. Even if he's not sure he'll ever truly see himself as a partner to someone like Yohan. Even if that's exactly what they are to each other now, it doesn't feel like the right word to describe them.

Of course Hayun is nervous. He's facing down losing his virginity to Yohan. He was sure he would happen someday, though he assumed that it would be with someone equally as inexperienced as him. Is it better that it's with someone who knows more about what he's doing? It'll be better because it's not someone who's fumbling around and trying to figure things out right alongside him, right? He knows it'll be better because it's with someone he cares about but the rest, he's not so sure of.

"I know... where it goes." His eyes drop back to his hand beneath Yohan's robe so there's little mistaking what he means by 'it'. And that's about the extent of his knowledge. Which he's a little embarrassed about, honestly. He feels like he should know more. Even if he's never done any of it before, he feels like he should know more about the particulars of being with another man as opposed to the very vague 'tab A, slot B' of it.

"Okay," he acknowledges with a nod. It makes sense. Hayun's young and probably hasn't had anyone he's been interested in getting physically intimate with before now. So why would there be any curiosity prompting him to do some research?

"Do you want me to explain it all to you know or as we're going through it? Will it make you more or less nervous?"

Said all while he's still rubbing Hayun's hand on his dick to get it harder.

Hayun's not been interested in anyone enough to go any further than a few rather chastise kisses here and there so he hasn't really explored much further than that. He's never even really explored his own body or watched porn (though porn would've just left him with more questions and a poor understanding of how everything works). He knows the general mechanics but had no reason to look deeper. He figured he could once he got there, but now he's here and he wishes he knew more.

"Explain it to me as we go. It might be easier to digest then, you know? Explaining it all to me right now might be a little overwhelming." It feels weird to casually talk about something not so casual, all while Yohan and rubbing his dick with Hayun's hand. Something that Hayun's not been able to stop watching happen until the fuzzy fabric since he looked back down.

At that, Yohan's movement paused. Paused and he moved his hand from atop Hayun's. "Okay. Let's go to the bedroom." Hayun's first time should be as comfortable as possible. They'll have room to move around and explore fully. Plus, well, the lube's in there and they're going to need that.

When Yohan takes his hand from atop Hayun's, Hayun carefully pulls his hand out of Yohan's robe. With their hands out of the way, it's easier to see what he's been feeling under his palm: Yohan's erection. An impressive erection, even while still covered in the robe. And a mildly panic-inducing one. He doesn't even try to hide the fact that he can't tear his eyes away from it, even as he slips out from under Yohan's arm and climbs to his feet so they can go into the bedroom. A nice, comfortable place for his first time.

"I have a question. How is that- I mean, how are you supposed to, um... you know. It's kinda... and I'm..." Well, he has parts of a question. How is Yohan's dick meant to fit in him? It's big and Hayun isn't. If anything, Hayun's feeling especially small right about now. Perfectly unequipped for Yohan.

It's a reasonable question. And though it amuses him the way Hayun stammers through it, he doesn't laugh. No, it's not a topic he wants to treat lightly in front of a boy with no experience. Yohan pushes himself from the couch, reaching out for one of Hayun's hands as they make their way to the bedroom.

"Preparation," he answers honestly. "I'm going to use lube and my fingers to open you up enough to take it."

Hayun is a little nervous as it is and making light of his half asked question would probably only make it worse. A small part of him would understand because he's sure he sounds absolutely ridiculous, but the rest of him would just feel all the more nervous for it. It would just remind him of how inexperienced he is, especially compared to someone so much older than him like Yohan.

Reaching out to take Yohan's hand, he pads along behind him toward the bedroom. He feels like his heart is beating faster with every step. Last night, this was just a place where he could curl up next to Yohan and fall asleep while being comforted by his presence. Tonight, it's the place where he's going to lose his virginity. That's a significant shift.

"Preparation," he repeats with an absent nod of his head. Of course preparation is necessary. That makes sense. But what kind of- Oh. "Your fingers to o- ...okay." Yohan is being very straightforward and almost clinical with his answers. Hayun likes that he's doing that, that there's no beating around the bush or trying to sugarcoat it in any way. Hayun doesn't need sugarcoating right now. He needs proper explanations. He exhales slowly and nods his head again. "Okay."

With them having gotten into the bedroom, Hayun gently tugs his hand free of Yohan's grasp and makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger (roughly about how big around he estimates Yohan's cock to be). With his other hand, he starts to put his fingers, one at a time, into the hole. Trying to figure out (and thus, prepare himself) for how many fingers to might take to open him up enough for someone Yohan's size.

"...not all at once, right?"

It's the bed they've been sharing for the duration of this trip (though there is another room that Hayun has been free to use). And now it feels like so much more than just a bed. Yohan's had a lot of firsts. He's been first to a lot of boys. And every time is special.

"No, darling," he assures. "Not all at once. One at a time. It may feel strange at first, but as long as you breathe and try to stay as relaxed as you can, it won't hurt. If it gets painful, you tell me right away. Don't try to bear it out. You tell me."

Hurting a partner is never part of the plan. But first times, they're not always comfortable. Not at first. Not until the boy relaxes more. Not until Yohan finds that sweet spot that will make him lose his breath and see stars.

Yohan shrugs out of his robe, the flannel pajamas following it swiftly to the floor. It's probably the first time Hayun's seen him completely naked. It probably isn't the first time he's seen the single ugly scar on Yohan's abdomen in the soft spot just near his left hip; a reminder of a betrayal some time ago that nearly cost him his life. It was only Siwoo's quick thinking that saved Yohan. There's a damn good reason why Yohan trusts Siwoo with his life. Other than that, he's what one might consider flawless. All toned muscle and tan skin.

"Will it make you more or less nervous if I help you undress?"

That makes sense. Yohan's answer makes sense and it feels like the obvious answer, but the question sprung to Hayun's mind and he had to ask it. Clear up any possible confusion, of which there is still much. This is just as much about learning as it is about having sex with his first boyfriend for the first time. He reduces the number of fingers in the circle back down to one and then drops his hands to his sides.

"I'll tell you." One of the easiest things he's ever agreed to. He doesn't want his first time to be remembered for how much it hurt, or how long he had to suffer through the pain of it before he started to feel anything else. He wants to be able to remember this as the night he was intimate for the first time when a man he really cares about, and who really cares about him. "If it gets painful, I'll tell you right away."

Hayun unconsciously pulls his own robe a little more tightly around himself when Yohan's falls to the floor. His eyes follow its descent, and then that of the flannel pyjamas as well. He knows what the pile of clothing on the floor means and yet it takes him a little by surprise when he looks back up at Yohan and sees that the man has been laid bare before him. He would've liked to be subtle as he took in the full scope of Yohan's body, but he's not. He's very open in the way he looks Yohan over, giving each part of his body equal attention (save for the scar and the man's dick. His eyes linger on the scar a little longer than the rest, and he gives Yohan's dick a little less attention. He's trying to not get caught back up in 'how is that going to fit?' since, even with the very straightforward explanation, it doesn't make sense again). He's just as beautiful out of clothing as he is in them. Maybe a little more, actually. The well-defined muscle and beautifully even tanned skin. A stark contrast to his thin, pale boyfriend.

Loosening his grip on his own robe, Hayun pushes it back off of his shoulders and lets it fall to the floor. That's as far as he goes, though. He's still left standing there in his pyjama pants and t-shirt, as well as hsi heavy sweater. He'd intended on undressing himself, like Yohan did, but he doesn't get very far. He even tucks his hands into the pocket of his sweater as though to indicate that he'll make it no further on his own.

"Less nervous."

Good. Hayun understands that this is supposed to be a good experience for him, too. A beautiful and cherished memory. But Yohan also wants to give him realistic expectations. It's Hayun's first time, so there will be nerves and discomfort. He'll do all he can to minimize both for his precious boy.

Yohan certainly doesn't mind Hayun's eyes on him. He savors it, in fact. Hayun can take all the time he wants to look Yohan over. There's no shyness in him. He's full of natural confidence borne of knowing what he looks like in others' eyes. He works hard, stays in shape. He has to be able to escape a bad situation if need be.

"Alright," he nods as he steps closer. A hand runs over Hayun's hair, gentle to help set him at ease. His fingers brush the boy's cheek, then trail down the side of his throat, over the shoulder of his fuzzy sweater. "Hands up."

It's supposed to be a good experience, something special to look back on fondly. This isn't supposed to be an experience that makes him worry about having sex again or not want it at all. This should be an experience that leaves him feeling like he'd like to be intimate with his boyfriend again, not wanting to close the door on it forever. He wants it to be as pleasant as it can be. He hopes that it is.

Looking at Yohan, Hayun wishes he could have even half that man's confidence. Standing there shamelessly (not that he has a single thing to be ashamed of, as far as Hayun can see) with no clothing on. Unlike Yohan, Hayun doesn't know what he looks like in others' eyes. Like, he doesn't exactly think he's unattractive, but he doesn't know if others think of him the same way. Except for Yohan, of course. Yohan has been very clear and open about what he thinks of Hayun's appearance. Yohan will probably do wonders for his confidence in the long run (if they even have a 'long run').

Hayun closes his eyes when Yohan steps closer and touches his hair. Deep breath. Calming breath. He's about to get undressed in front of Yohan, by Yohan. Calm. He needs to be calm. He tips his head against Yohan's fingers then opens his eyes to look up at him. He chews on his bottom lip for just a second then exhales (a slow, shaky breath), lifting his hands up into the air.

"That's right, just breathe." He understands Hayun nerves. This isn't simply their first time having sex, but their first time really seeing each other full bare. It's a vulnerable position, especially for Hayun who has no experience with this sort of intimacy.

With that in mind, Yohan hooks his fingers only in the sweater, not the shirt beneath it. One article at a time will give Hayun a chance to adjust more gradually. He tugs the sweater off, tossing it to a nearby chair before reaching up to smooth the boy's now-tussled hair.

"Just breathe," he repeats a few times, each one followed by a long, calming breath. Just breathe. Yohan is going to see him naked for the first time. Just breathe. This beautiful man who definitely has nothing to be ashamed of and absolutely knows it is going to see him naked. This man who has a body worth showing off is going to see him without clothing. Just... This thin, pale boy who can't even look at himself naked is going to be laid bare before this incredible man. What is he supposed to be doing again?

Hayun swallows hard and his breathing quickens as the sweater moves up and up his body, then over his head. He turns his head to watch it's journey toward the chair and for just an instant, he looks like he might dart over to grab it and pull it back on. It's the hand on his hair that keeps him where he is. It reminds him that this is okay, that right here in front of Yohan is where he really does want to be. Just breathe. He gives it some time, tries to get his breathing back to a place where he feels normal again, and then nods to Yohan. "Keep going."

Joke's on Hayun. Yohan finds thin and pale attractive. In fact, Yohan looks at him even now, before he's completely undressed, with an unmasked hunger. Like he's the only attractive person in the world. Like he's the only other person in the world.

Yohan's patient. But he's also not going to ask 'are you sure' when Hayun says to keep going. He's not going to be the cause of Hayun doubting himself and what they're about to do. Instead, Yohan nods. He takes hold of the hem of Hayun's t-shirt and pulls that upward and over his head, just like the sweater before it.

For no more than a moment, Hayun's breath seems to stick in his throat. For an instant, he feels like he can neither inhale nor exhale. He can't move, he can't swallow. He can't even blink. The look on Yohan's face has him trapped. That hungry look doesn't seem to want to allow him even even an inch of movement. It takes real effort for Hayun to look away, to even breathe again.

Much like with the sweater, Hayun watches the t-shirt make it's way over to the chair. Instinctively, he wraps his arms around himself. Cover himself, despite the fact that the point is to take his clothes off. This time, there's no hand on his hair to keep him rooted in place so he looks back up at Yohan instead. Stares up at him. Unblinking. This time by choice. As nervous as he is, as anxious as Yohan's expression makes him, he also finds a lot of comfort in him. He chews on his bottom lip as he gathers up the courage to let his arms drop down to his sides. Only then does he nod once more. "Okay. Okay, keep going."

That's right, let Yohan be an anchor. When Hayun drops his arms, Yohan reaches over to lay his hands on the boy's shoulders. See? That's nothing new. Nothing to be afraid of. Just a touch. It isn't as if Yohan hasn't put his hands up under Hayun's shirts before. What might be new is the way he slides his hands over Hayun's soft skin, across the front of his shoulders, down his chest, over his stomach to hook his fingers into the waist of Hayun's pajama pants.

And with a gentle tug, he crouches to pull them and whatever's under them down Hayun's legs. "Step out."

Hayun has had Yohan's hands on him before (he's felt them on his skin, under his shirt before. Can they go back to that? Can he put his sweater back on and Yohan can just let his hands wander around beneath it?) so it's not as though it's a new sensation, but where his hands go certainly is new. Down and down they go. Hayun's eyes start to lower, to follow those hands on their journey, but they quickly snap back to his face. He can't bring himself to do it. He can't bring himself to watch as Yohan rids him of his last few pieces of clothing.

When Yohan starts to crouch down, Hayun squeezes his eyes shut. He can't look at Yohan anymore. Not right now. But what he can do is reach out to blindly place his hands on Yohan's shoulders. His strong, bare shoulders. He curls his fingers against Yohan's skin when the man speaks again. Step out. Out of his clothes. The last articles of clothing. Though they're technically off already, he can still feel them around his ankles. They're still on as far as Hayun's concerned. With his eyes closed, it's an easy enough lie to tell himself. Even though he can feel the air on his bare skin, he can still lie to himself. Once he steps out of his clothing, the lie is over.

Inhaling slowly, and then exhaling a long, shaky breath, Hayun steps out of his clothes. "N-now what?"

Now what? Yohan stands back up, trailing his fingers in a safe place: along the side of Hayun's jaw, down his neck. Something gentler to help ease him into this level of physical intimacy.

"Look at me," he murmurs.

He waits until Hayun opens his eyes to continue. "Now we're going to get in bed. Under the blankets for now. We'll start out with things we've done before. Kissing, touching. Exploring."

Even with his eyes closed, he can feel Yohan standing back up. He can feel the difference between Yohan couching under him and looming over him. Despite having a relatively good idea of where Yohan is, the touch still initially startles him. It's not a big reaction, but enough to be noticeable. It's almost enough to make him laugh. Almost.

A few deep breaths, and then Hayun opens his eyes to look up at Yohan. His boyfriend. That's still doesn't feel right to think, and yet it also feels like the most right thing. Slowly, Hayun's gaze shifts away from Yohan and over toward the bed. Under the blanket sounds not so bad. Maybe it'll help him to ignore some of the nervousness and self-consciousness that comes with standing here naked with his naked boyfriend. Do things they've done before with the feeling of cloth against his skin. It could ease his nerves a little.

"...let's get in bed," he says in a very small voice.

Yohan leans in to press his lips against Hayun's. Lightly. Without any demand. It's soft and chaste, a small thank you for Hayun being willing to do this with him. His hands fall away from Hayun's face and he leads them across the room to the bed. Pulling the covers beck, he waits for Hayun to crawl in and get comfortable before following.

He stretches out beside Hayun, reaching over to run his hands over the boy's hair, across his shoulders, down his bare chest. He leans closer for a more exploratory kiss, prying his tongue between Hayun's lips to tease at the resident muscle.

That soft kiss somehow manages to ease some of his nerves, even if only for the short length of the kiss, itself. It feels like a kiss from his naked boyfriend should feel the opposite way, but it's a bit of a comfort. There are no expectations behind it and it somehow feels apart from everything that just happened and what it's all leading up to, while also feeling connected to it. It's a nice feeling, getting to let all of his anxiety melt away for a short time. He imagines it'll be gone a little more permanently soon, when there are too many other feelings and there's no space left for nervousness and anxiety, but for now he'll take the temporary relief where he can get it.

And it really is only temporary, because soon he's being lead over to the bed and crawling into it and there's once more a flood of nervous energy. This is where it's going to happen. This is where he's going to have sex for the first time. Breathe.

Once they're both in bed, Hayun tugs the blanket back up and that once again helps to calm the nerves building up. Just like he hoped it would. It allows the familiar to actually feel familiar instead of it being entirely new territory with merely a sprinkling of sensations he's grown a little more accustomed to. Laying in bed with Yohan, with Yohan's hands on his bare chest (right now, it's easy enough to imagine Yohan's hands up his shirt, even though there's no shirt to speak of) and his tongue in his mouth. Familiar. A good way to ease him into the unfamiliar. Make no mistake, the nerves are still there, but they're not so all encompassing right now. They're giving him space to enjoy this.

Hayun reaches out to rest his hand on Yohan's bare chest, then curls his fingers against the warm skin as he presses back against the (welcome) intrusion in his mouth. The only thing that separates this from any other time they've made out is that Hayun would be pressed up against Yohan right about now. Currently, he's trying to keep a bit of space between his body and Yohan's. He's not sure he's ready for full contact yet.

[ archived ] Open RP Post

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I can't remember if we mentioned socks coming off LOL!!!

i don't think we did lol. on my part, safe to assume all of mine never wear them inside tho lmao

Except that monster Jongwoo. We've all seen his vile socks.

the socks are the real reason why he lost his mind tbh!

I believe it!

it's the best explanation tbh!!

It totally tracks to me!

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