unknownballad | [ archived ] Open RP Post

He's glad Hayun trusted him. And he'll respect that Hayun isn't asking for any intervention on his behalf. He's asking for someone to be there to support him emotionally. Until that need changes, Yohan will be happy to simply listen when Hayun's having troubles. He'll be there when Hayun needs someone.

Because it's okay now, Yohan looks at Hayun's face. Drawn, tear-stained, still worn down but also, somehow lighter than it seemed when he first arrived. Yohan holds the boy's face in his hands, meets his eyes.

"Whenever it's possible, I will be here. There are times when it won't be possible. That's a reality. But whenever it is, I'll be here for you."

Hayun has a system. It's far from perfect but it's the best that he could come up with for keeping him in this house as long as possible. Intervention could possibly help him stay in this house longer. It could help him away from his flawed but serviceable system. It could improve things. But intervention could also improve things beyond Hayun's ability to maintain it financially. It could disrupt his system in such a way that he's never able to get back on track. Hayun can't let himself rely on anyone but Hayun. What if he starts to rely on someone else and they disappear? He can't take that risk. Not with his family home.

The financial burden, he can deal with. Enough. He can deal with it enough. It's the emotional burden that he needs the help with. His finances, he can do something about. There's a tangible solution. Emotions are harder. That's what he needs help with. Coming home from school and crying himself to sleep every so often isn't productive. It's short term relief but not a long term solution. Hopefully, that's where Yohan comes in. Someone to talk to. Someone to vent to and share some of that emotional burden with. He doesn't need Yohan's wallet, just his ear. Maybe a shoulder to cry on sometimes.

"Whenever possible," he agrees, his voice a little shaky. He holds Yohan's gaze for no more than a few seconds before averting his own. Just because he said Yohan could look at him now, that doesn't mean he wants to see Yohan looking at him. His red eyes and his puffy, splotchy face. Ugh. "I don't expect you to drop everything. You have a whole life outside of me and I don't want to get in the way of that." But, whenever possible, Yohan will be there for him.

“Hayun-ah,” he says very firmly, even as he runs his hand through the boy’s hair. “You’re a part of my life. An important one. I’ll do whatever I can for you when I can. I don’t want to make any promises I know I won’t be able to keep.”

His is a dangerous line of work. Some of the people he deals with are more like him: stable and not endlessly power hungry. Yes, growth is good, but it can’t be infinite. Yohan’s happy to spend the bulk of his energy in maintaining what he has and taking smaller, subtler steps toward expansion. But there are some who are greedy and petty, some who want it all, and some who want to see him fall just because of his success. Some are dangerously unhinged. Those aren’t the types of people Yohan can simply excuse himself from if Hayun’s having a bad day.

“I mean it when I say I will be there for you whenever it’s possible.”

Hayun begins to nod his head as Yohan speaks but it quickly tapers off into near perfect stillness. Even the rise and fall of his chest are almost imperceptible. In this moment, there's something about hearing that he's an important part of Yohan's life, being reassured that he does have a place in it, that hits him like a truck. Like this emotional transport truck just slammed into his chest. The comforting gestures, the words, it makes his eyes well up with tears once more. "I haven't been an important part of anything since I lost my grandparents..." he mutters, gaze finally returning to Yohan's face. The face of this incredible man who makes him feel less alone in the world.

"I understand," he says, speaking more clearly this time. He repeats it a few times as he scrubs at his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears that are threatening to fall. "You'll be there whenever you can." Because somethings can't wait. Somethings can't be brushed aside because some kid Yohan knows is having a rough day. It's like he said, he doesn't expect Yohan to drop everything for him. And it's not like Hayun hasn't navigated bad days on his own before. Up until tonight, he's dealt with every one of them by himself, so he can do it again. He can do it again whenever Yohan can't be there.

"Do you, um... Actually, never mind."

Whether Hayun knows it or not, Yohan will drop what he's doing whenever he can. And if he can't? He'll be there as quickly as he can. Or he'll send Siwoo so Hayun isn't alone. Anything to help, to show Yohan is willing and able to be an emotional support for him. That Hayun's needs aren't a burden to him.

It's amazing how strong this sweet boy is. More than anyone may recognize. Yohan sees it now. The way he struggles on his own, in secret. How he keeps the truth of his situation from everyone without a safety net. How he manages school and finances to keep this house, how he takes care of everything himself. And none of it, none, has made him bitter or resentful.

"You can ask me anything you want."

More than even Hayun may recognize. He knows that it does take a certain amount of personal strength to keep up with what he's doing, but he also doesn't want to give himself that much credit when he can see all of his own personal failings too. He is painfully aware of every weak moment he's ever had, including here tonight, when he had to call Yohan. He shouldn't assign them more importance than all the strength he's exhibited since the passing of his grandparents (and even before, truthfully) but it's difficult not to. It's difficult to keep from focusing on the weak moments.

If nothing else, though, those weak moments make him want to work harder. Even those weak moments that he sees everywhere don't make him resentful or bitter. They just make him more determined.

"It's kind of silly sounding but do you think it would be okay if I still texted you when you're busy? It's not like I'd expect you to text back or anything." Someone to talk at, so he can get some thoughts out if he's having an especially bad day (he hasn't even considered the idea of Yohan sending Siwoo in his place). "Or would that be too bothersome?"

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