It hasn't been easy. Of course it hasn't been easy. In fact, it's been painfully difficult, every step of the way. Not just everything he's had to take on in order to keep what he has, but the fact that he's had to keep it all to himself. He's had to keep all of his struggles buried deep where they wouldn't accidentally bubble up to the surface. He's had to keep acting like everything is fine when his whole world is continuously trying to fall apart around him. So often, he's thought of what a relief it would be if he just had someone to talk to. Someone to vent to. Someone to help lighten his emotional load a little.
Now he has Yohan. He has Yohan to help him test the theory that being able to even just talk to someone will make a world of difference. He doesn't need any other help. Just this. Just someone who'll listen. Someone who'll talk to him. Just... someone.
Hayun nods his head against Yohan as a fresh wave of tears start. It's not entirely pained sobs this time, however, but mostly relief. Relief and comfort. It's because of how good it feels that someone knows, and how good it feels to have someone here. The feeling of having an actual warm body wrapped around his instead of tangling himself up in a blanket and imagining it's his grandfather holding him after he's had a bad day. There's an actual person here holding him and running their fingers through his hair. There's an actual person here, allowing him to be the hurt kid he couldn't truly allow himself to be since before his grandparents passed.
For a little while, he can hand off the reins of 'responsible adult' to someone else. It feels good.
"I just- You're welcome." Thank you for seeming like a trustworthy person. "I wasn't ever going to tell you," he admits softly, pulling his face away from Yohan's chest just enough so his voice isn't muffled. "I was going to keep it to myself until you eventually left me too, because everyone leaves me." They didn't leave. They died. "But then you showed up tonight. I didn't ask you to, but you showed up. That... I don't know. It made things different."
Hayun pulls his face back even further so he can look up at Yohan in the dim light of his cellphone. "You can look at me now. If you want."
no subject
Now he has Yohan. He has Yohan to help him test the theory that being able to even just talk to someone will make a world of difference. He doesn't need any other help. Just this. Just someone who'll listen. Someone who'll talk to him. Just... someone.
Hayun nods his head against Yohan as a fresh wave of tears start. It's not entirely pained sobs this time, however, but mostly relief. Relief and comfort. It's because of how good it feels that someone knows, and how good it feels to have someone here. The feeling of having an actual warm body wrapped around his instead of tangling himself up in a blanket and imagining it's his grandfather holding him after he's had a bad day. There's an actual person here holding him and running their fingers through his hair. There's an actual person here, allowing him to be the hurt kid he couldn't truly allow himself to be since before his grandparents passed.
For a little while, he can hand off the reins of 'responsible adult' to someone else. It feels good.
"I just- You're welcome." Thank you for seeming like a trustworthy person. "I wasn't ever going to tell you," he admits softly, pulling his face away from Yohan's chest just enough so his voice isn't muffled. "I was going to keep it to myself until you eventually left me too, because everyone leaves me." They didn't leave. They died. "But then you showed up tonight. I didn't ask you to, but you showed up. That... I don't know. It made things different."
Hayun pulls his face back even further so he can look up at Yohan in the dim light of his cellphone. "You can look at me now. If you want."